My dearest Vivi,
Although I want to have you in my arms and cuddle cheek to cheek, I must admit that having a little Saint isn't all too bad. I have been thinking a lot today about what being a mom means to me, and I realize, what I think now is all because of you. No, I have no idea what a feeding schedule is, or when you transition from breast milk to baby food. No, I have no idea what check-ups you need or when, or what shots to say yes or no to. No, I have no idea what number diapers you would need, or how much those things add up. But those things are silly. None of those things really matter. I know I have the ability to figure it out. And in all honesty, pretty much anyone's opinion on any of those subjects is valid.
But what you have taught me and what I do know is that you, my child are a gift. That the purpose any child is to make the world better....especially to make me better. What you taught me I couldn't learn from just anyone...it could only be from you. I have learned what true strength is--and who really gives it. I have learned that the best (and easiest thing in the long run) is to let go of you, and put my trust in the One who created both of us, knowing He loves us both and only wants what is best. You have taught me that love is not something that only brings joy, but pain and sorrow, because you give so completely of your heart. You have taught me that sleepless nights aren't worth getting too upset about, and that a baby's cry at any time--day or night-- is perfect. You have taught me that just because dreams don't come true the way I planned, doesn't mean that they weren't ok...or that they might just pan out a little differently than expected. But most importantly, you have taught me that a mother's love is perhaps the most powerful thing of this earth--it could only change me for the good. And for that, I have you to forever thank.
I know that more babies will come, but God knows the perfect order. None could have taught me the values of love that you could have...no one could have better prepared me for life, the life I have always truly wanted, but you. This my dear, is the greatest gift...the greatest gift I am so thankful, so blessed I was able to share with you. You are my Sunshine...
I love you,
Mom
