Today has been a long day. I am thinking that God is not just holding Viv's heart in His hands, but mine as well. I am not able to go into depth with this, but all I keep seeing in my head is an image of me picking up big rocks with "why" written on them. While I could be building something beautiful, I started building a wall around my heart. But then I realize....I am on the wrong side. Instead of putting myself on the inside, I am stuck on the outside. So with a huff of frustration and fear, I begin slowly undoing what I have begun to create. Might seem silly, but it is a small miracle I believe.
Enough about me, lets get to the important stuff, that "stuff" being Viv. I went to the OB today about the fluid in Viv's stomach found yesterday. It is so wonderful to have an OB who listens and respects me as a Mom. Not just any mom, but my Viv's mom. He explained to me the worst case sceniaro, and the choices we have to handle it. As I shared yesterday, my "mom gut" doesn't raise any red flags. I told the OB this, and he said, "I trust you and the connection you have with your body and your baby, if anything changes before your next appointment, give me a call". That was a kind of crazy moment for me. I will FOREVER be making decisions with Viv in mind. I know I already am, but trusting that I am capable of making decisions to care for her, for her life is overwhleming and a HUGE responsiblity. What a gift.