Thursday, May 3, 2012

"Mom Gut"

Today has been a long day.  I am thinking that God is not just holding Viv's heart in His hands, but mine as well.  I am not able to go into depth with this, but all I keep seeing in my head is an image of me picking up big rocks with "why" written on them.  While I could be building something beautiful, I started building a wall around my heart.  But then I realize....I am on the wrong side.  Instead of putting myself on the inside, I am stuck on the outside.  So with a huff of frustration and fear, I begin slowly undoing what I have begun to create.  Might seem silly, but it is a small miracle I believe.

Enough about me, lets get to the important stuff, that "stuff" being Viv.  I went to the OB today about the fluid in Viv's stomach found yesterday.  It is so wonderful to have an OB who listens and respects me as a Mom.  Not just any mom, but my Viv's mom.  He explained to me the worst case sceniaro, and the choices we have to handle it.  As I shared yesterday, my "mom gut" doesn't raise any red flags.  I told the OB this, and he said, "I trust you and the connection you have with your body and your baby, if anything changes before your next appointment, give me a call".  That was a kind of crazy moment for me.  I will FOREVER be making decisions with Viv in mind.  I know I already am, but trusting that I am capable of making decisions to care for her, for her life is overwhleming and a HUGE responsiblity.  What a gift.

No comments:

Post a Comment