Not Broken, only torn between 2 Loves

This week has been very eventful and it is only Wednesday!  We had another visit at Children's Monday morning and although we had high hopes that all the fluid would have disappeared, it seems to have increased as well as padded her heart as well.  It is always funny for me when the doctors come in because they are so sweet trying to be so sensitive explaining what is happening, and then here I am acting like it's no big thing.  Fluid in my baby's belly and around her heart--no sweat. She is still moving like crazy, so I know she is ok. 

I am learning the medical field, although very advanced and full of AMAZING procedures, meds and professionals, there are still so many unknowns.  The fluid inside Viv is one of those things.  None of the doctors know why it is there or where it has come from. Her heart is PERFECT except the structure, so there is no leakage to the rest of her little body. Infections are ruled out after blood tests.  Genetic disorders are not, but not only would that not change the outcome for Vivi, it has a tendency to induce premature labor.  The doctors discussed early delivery depending on the fluid increase between 33-36 weeks. Not only does that make my eyes bug because that is 3 weeks away potentially, but life and death takes on a whole new meaning when you are already having a child with a heart defect. Her safest place to be is inside me, and inside me she shall stay until 40 weeks :)  Our new mantra is 'just keep swimming Vivi, just keep swimming'.

My family's neighbor found this little story and she gave a copy to be.  Between packing and moving, I haven't had a moment to read it until today.  I Googled it, and it popped up on a blog similar to mine, and the Mom found this story with 3 months to go--same as me!  I know this was Vivi's converstaion with Jesus, and I know because of her love for Him, the lives and hearts of so many will be changed forever.  There are times I wonder if I will be able to comfort her the way she will need to be when she asks why her heart is how it is, or if she has issues because of her scar.  As soon as I read this I had my answer--your heart's not broken, just torn between two loves Vivi.

Half of An Angel's Heart

It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born.

One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you".

He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that she is just going for a visit. She is still not swayed on this idea. So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?"

The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work". But the little angel is still a little scared. She asks, "Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies, "Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine."

Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says, "When you are born, your mommy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart. Enjoy your time with your family, play and laugh everyday. And when its time to come back to heaven, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."
-Author Unknown