Saturday, October 6, 2012

October 6

The other night Rod and I stopped into a place very dear to our heart.  It is a complete dive bar, one that I drove by 1,000s of times in the 3 years I lived with my grandma.  Everytime I passed, I wanted to stop in.  For some reason, I knew it would be somewhere special, and I always waited.  One night, shortly after Rod and I started dating, I suggested we go on an adventure--and that was it.  The Old Time Saloon, which we affectionately call 'Our Old Friend', became our place--the only place only we have been together...the only place we know we will walk in to and will only see familiar faces because they are regulars to the bar.  On the outside, there is nothing special about the building.  It is kinda shady actually--in a small strip that has vacancies next door and around the corner, and a barber shop on the other side.  The inside is small--2 four-top tables, a couple 2-tops and a bar. A Jukebox sits in the back that won't play an album past '95, a fresh batch of popcorn waits for anyone who enters, and up until a few weeks ago only accepted cash.    We have walked there in the sunshine, the dark, the rain and the snow. Those walls have heard us laugh, have seen us cry have watched us fight. It is a place that will never be and never can be repeated for us.  Some of our best conversations have happened here, and this time was no different.

While we were there the other night, we started talking about Vivi.  I was really missing her, and just talking about her hurt, but helped.  I have been having a hard time thinking about ever having another baby.  A part of me is scared of it not happening, and an even bigger part is scared of it happening because I don't want to take away from the child the experience of God that Vivi has because she was sinless.  As I was telling Rod this, his response was so beautiful and so true.  I want to go to Disneyworld.  In my mind, there is no place happier than Disneyworld.  But a trip to Disneyworld wouldn't be the same as a trip to San Diego or to New York, both places I want to go as well.  Each will be a great trip whenever I make them.  Each will have memories that make that place special.  Even though each place, each trip is so different, each is so special.  Who is to say that after I go to San Diego or to New York, the memories I have there don't make it the happiest place on earth for me?  Just like this bar--it is not the greatest place by the standards of what a bar 'should be', but its been so perfect because it became 'our place'. 

Maybe that's what God has been trying to tell me.  Vivi is so special...too special it seems like.  She will bever be repeated, but that doesn't mean that we won't be blessed abundantly by another baby just as special, just a different special.


  1. Maria, your words amaze and inspire me. When I read them I learn so much about my own family and myself. Thanks for the gift you continue to give me. Love you, aunt deb

  2. Maria, know as God gave you the strength to let Vivi go to him, he will give you the strength to love the next child for the special gifts he/she will bring to you and Rod. Let go, Let God. Today you don't have to look ahead all the way to the next baby. God will be there with you on that day and it will be glorious. And Vivi will give the baby an angel kiss before you meet him/her.