Before I get started with a a post that I hope can sum up the past few days, I have received word that there is some frustration with commenting. It is under my impression that you need an account with blogspot to comment on the blogs...it is super easy to sign up and there aren't any strings attached with annoying emails, etc. If anyone else has any insight, please let me know so I can spread the word :)
I am sorry it has been a few days. They have been busy, long days and believe it or not I was no where near a computer. Crazy how technology is so prevalent in our world, but at times hard to access.
Let me back-up to Friday. Rod and I had our first visit at Children's Friday morning. I was so excited for the visit--I am at the point in this journey where I just want to barrel through HLHS. I am not sad, I just needed my questions answered to feel empowered. This visit, was exactly that. We arrived to Children's at 8:30 and thought we would be there for 2 hours. Well, in typical Viv fashion, the ultrasound lasted 2 hours while she hid herself from the nurse. I can't help but giggle, as the nurse was prodding my belly to get her to move, Viv yawns and waves her hand as if to say, "leave me alone people! I am trying to rest here." Oh boy, oh boy we are going to have our hands full!
The doctor finally came in to talk with us about the findings of the ultrasound. She was WONDERFUL! So patient with Rod and I and our interrupting outbursts of questions, thoughts, etc. Of course, Viv has a rare form of HLHS. While we were thinking the left side of her heart was too small, turns out it doesn't exist. Her heart is separated into the Atrium (top) and Ventricle (bottom) but there is no deference of Right or Left. Basically, Viv's heart is a blob. There is no aortic valve, her heart is working thanks to her Pulmonary Artery and Me :) In these moments, God was there (not that we are surprised, right?) The entire time the doctor was explaining what we were facing, I felt immense peace over me and couldn't help but chuckle. ( I think the doctor thought I was crazy, wouldn't be the first time I guess). I was comprehending everything she was saying, but at the same time I had a voice inside me saying, "I am sorry you have to go through this, but it is the only way they all will see my glory" I kept hearing it over and over and over, and that voice brought me peace. I also kept thinking about the first Mass reading for Friday. It was from Hosea, and it struck me, and may you to in thinking of Viv's heart defect, it said, 'I will heal their defection, says the Lord' In that office, I know God was there sharing with me our mission as a family. We are honored to share with the world God's love in a special way through Viv, and the miracle she is going to be, and she already is.
Some of the questions answered allowed Rod and I to breathe a bit. Viv won't be whisked away from us right after she is born--we will be able to see her and I will be able to hold her, which made me feel better. She will be tested before the first surgery to make sure there is reason for the surgery (I have hope this is when and where a miracle could take place) and she will be able to breastfeed after the surgery as long as she gains weight. Seems like a normal baby :) Whew! what a relief for us!
Today at Mass the Gospel was the optional Gospel to use when RCIA participants are present. It comes from John 9, and is one we are all familiar with. It is the Gospel in which Christ heals a man blind from birth by smearing mud on his eyeballs. It once again allowed me to pray the prayer every person in the New Testament prays when asking Christ to be healed and we say it in Mass before we receive Christ in the Eucharist, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the word and I shall be healed". Christ has the power to create in Viv a new heart, to turn her blob (a beautiful and perfect blob I might add) into a full functioning healthy heart if He wills it and it will be to His greater Glory. The healing in today's Gospel, as in most the Gospel healings, it is twofold, not just physical, but spiritual as well. This experience is opening my heart to Christ in a way that I am so thankful for. I can understand why the saints say there is Joy in suffering--in suffering we can't help but be so close to Christ in His Glory on the cross which gives us Hope for life eternal.
I was flipping through my planner today, and happened to stop on Sunday February 19 when Christ told me at Mass, "I choose you, I love you, I sustain you". It was touching that day to receive that love note from Him and today realized it was a pep talk for this time. Realizing that today was just another reminder that God is here, and is going to be all through this journey!