Monday, March 19, 2012

St. Joseph Pray for Us!

St. Joseph, St. Joseph, how I am loving you today! As I reflected on the Gospel today about St. Joseph, I couldn't help but see many similarities in Rod and my journey and the journey of Mary and Joseph. I debated writing about this, because I don't know about you, but comparing my family to the Holy Family seems just a tad blasphemous.  But in the past few days I have seen Satan attacking Rod and I, because he can't get to Viv or use Viv to block the miracle that she is.  Needless to say, there have been a few fireworks set off, and not the good kind either.

Since we found out about Viv over a week ago, emotions have been on 10 in the Dunlap Abode. I have been able to feel my feelings, but have been given a grace to move on and say "yes" with immense peace. I feel like Mary saying "yes" to the Gabriel. She knew there were many loose ends that she had to allow her faith to guide her through especially including Joseph. For Joseph, on the other hand, the news that Mary was with-child was a bit of an issue. One that pushed him to quietly call for divorce, which would probably in turn have not turned out in Mary's favor.  However, as we all know, an angel appeared to him in a dream and assured him this was of God and that Jesus would be his son.  There was no need to fear--just barrel through and TRUST.

I have asked for special prayers for Rod since we found out.  He has been like St. Joseph, not as easily accepting of the news as I have been.  And in all honesty, this has been really hard for me.  I am impatient, and my impatience has lead me to get really frustrated with Rod for not being able to get the "barrel through it" stage as fast as I have.  In the past week, I have really hurt him in things that I have said, all because I couldn't accept God's timing in Rod.  Well today was a moment of great grace for me in this variable of our equation.  As I contemplated St. Joseph, I felt that I was able to see a bit of Rod's heart.  He is at the "divorce" stage, not able to fully come to peace with the reality of Viv's heart. He is so good and wants to get to the "after the dream" stage, and accept it, but it's just taking some time.  And in this time, I don't need to do anything but love him unconditionally, and surrender his heart to Christ as I have already surrendered Viv's.  I felt a great wave of hope flood my heart because I know he will get there.  He already is a wonderful dad and an awesome husband...I have been kinda a mean and not so awesome wife, not holding him up during this leg of his journey as I should be. With that in mind, it is in fact my heart that needs to be changed so we can continue this journey as a family striving for holiness.

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