Day 40. Christ was in the desert for 40 days before he began his public ministry. Perhaps these past 40 days have been our desert experience. We must empty ourselves to allow room for God to fill us up. It's time to dig a little deeper as my human tank is on 'E'. Now I am only relying on my tank to be filled only by God's grace.
Friday night I has an "A-HA!" moment. Four years ago while I was doing ministry work in Atlanta, I believe Christ was giving me a foreshadowing of what I am going through one day while I was praying. One moring, I had this image: I was standing in a stadium full of people. Christ was standing to my right, and without a word reached into my chest and pulled out my heart. As he was doing this, I yelled "Ow! That hurts!" The pain was not a 'oh, I skinned my knee hurt' I remember to this day it was a sorrow that shivered throughout my body making my feet heavy. Taking my heart, Christ raised it, blessed it, and began to break it, passing it to the people. Each person took a piece and kept passing it to the next, and the next and so forth. Each tear I could feel and I looked at Christ asking, "why are you taking my heart? Why are you doing this to me?" These questions weren't ones that were spouted in anger, moreso in agony of watching my heart be distributed among these people. Finally after my heart had made it all throughout the stadium, the left overs sat at my feet in 4 baskets. Christ looked at me and simply said, "I promised you would always be taken care of."
I have thought about this moment with Christ many times in the past 4 or so years. I don't know what happened Friday to make me think about this at dinner, but I knew this vision is about Viv. Vivi is my heart--she has been ripped out of me and throughout her short life, she is sharing love with so many people. I am "being taken care of" from so many people's generosity, and the graces from prayers stored up, and the ones that are being said right now.