Thursday, September 13, 2012

September 13, Day 51

"To receive the grace of God, you must go the desert and stay awhile." 
                                                                                                             --Bl. Charles de Foucauld
Viv's roadtrip to the OR today is one I still have been secretly dredding.  There are many reasons you don't want your child to go to the OR.  She's going to have a scar.  She will be under anestheisa.  She is going to cut open for crying out loud.  When you have to sign consent forms for each step of a procedure, you know there are definite risks involved.  This one however, I saw as our last chance to really define what is going on inside our girl.  Rod and I opted for the surgical procedure because of the severity of what would happen if her SMV is not present.  And if it was present, what were then our options to help Vivi?  Do we transplant her liver?  Does a shunt need to be placed in her gut to redirect the flow?  Will we need a heart and liver transplant?  And a shunt?  You know how imaginations are.  I think through this whole process I have understood just enough at every moment to realize the best and worst case scenario.
After accompaning her through the hall to the final destination of the OR, Rod and I went to see Jesus.  Ironically (ok we know nothing along this journey has been a coincidence or ironic) the Psalm for today's Mass was Psalm 139.  This psalm, if you remember, has been so close to me since July 24. 
 For you formed my inward parts;
  you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
 Wonderful are your works;
  my soul knows it very well.
(Psalm 139:13-14 ESV)
My unsettleness, nervousness, fear--all of it gone.  We are asking for a miracle--God is faith is fully in that.  Heck, I told one of the doctors last night that a miracle was our option.  Although he looked at me a little crazy, I know he was ok with it :)  Sitting in front of the tabernacle, Rod and I prayed the Rosary.  I felt the Luminous mysteries were so perfect for this day--each one is a miracle.  At Christ's baptism, a dove came down from the sky sharing with everyone there, "this is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased".  The Wedding at Cana, water to wine, the proclaimation of the Kingdom, people BELIEVED and were saved, the Transfiguration of Christ and the Institution of the Eucharist....seriously?  Seriously.  I prayed throughout that Mary would continue to give Christ our desire, faith, hope and gratitude for a miracle.  He doesn't say 'no' to her :)  While we prayed the fifth and final mystery, I closed my eyes and saw something so beautiful--Vivian's Godparents, Blessed Mother Teresa and  Blessed John Paul 2, came in the Chapel and joined us.  Mama T, as I lovingly call Mother Teresa knelt next to Rod, and JP2 knelt next to me.  Ahead of us in front of the tabernacle was Mary, and from her hands spilled rays of light.  I knew at that moment something was happening.  Glancing at my phone, 10:57.  Moments like this, I wish I were an artist.  This was definitely a portrait I would LOVE to have hanging in our home.  We finished, and started upstairs to the surgical waiting room.  It was a little past 11.  Our messge from the doctor at the front desk was, "things got started at 10:57".  God is here.  With great hope in my heart, I knew we were in the midst of a miracle.
A few hours later, we got the call Viv was on her way back.  The doctor (whose name by the way is Maria...) called me and began explaining the procedure, what she found, and what her thoughts were.  There was a 2 part question I was needing the answer for--does she have the SMV?  is her gut flowing?  Are you ready-- YES and YES!!!! I couldn't but could believe it.  Thank you Jesus.  We praise you Jesus...even now Lord, even now!  There are obstacles.  Her liver is a bit of a mess, her intestine is hypertensive (too narrow) but she believes these obstacles can be handled medically, not surgically.  She also told us Dr. Heirsh, who performed the cardiac cath yesterday, was yelling to ehr through the hall this morning, "it's not the heart! Her heart is fine! You have to find what it is".  Although Viv's insides aren't perfect--we can deal with this.  We can pray her through this journey...the miracle is at hand, it is beginning. 
One of the cardiac doctors came in to speak with us today.  He assured us the doctors will be pow-wowing tomorrow and will get with us tomorrow at some point.  He also said there are rumors that Viv will be taken off the transplant list, because her heart has improved and her a new liver won't necessarily solve any issues by itself.  His idea of the plan is we begin feeds again, and extubate her over the weekend or early next week.  These are all hypotheses, before the gang gets together, but how exciting!  My heart feels like it is going to explode I am so relieved.  We can work with all this...we can pray Vivi through this...God's Will is this miracle.  Our job is no where near over--we must keep praying, keep the faith, and believe with great hope that even now Lord, you are in control and you have the mighty power to heal Vivian.


  1. beloved grandmother used to say in good times and in bad....."GOD IS GOOD!". After reading your blog today, I can almost hear her shout from heaven (and my heart shouts with her). "GOD IS GOOD!". Know that you are surrounded by the loving arms of Jesus and we will continue to keep you all in our prayers! Thanks for keeping us posted!


  3. Praise God!!! God is sooooooo good! We are dancing with joy with all of you today. We love you so much! Uncle Dan and Aunt Deb and girls


  5. Still saying your prayer every time I look at my photo of the beautiful Vivian!!!