Wow has today been a long one. I feel equally exhausted as the day we found out about Vivian's heart. Emotions are a powerful thing. I found myself asking God today to increase my faith...to truly believe that His will is perfect because right now it doesn't feel so much like it. Again I feel like I am holding my breath for tomorrow. The procedure will be at 9 (in the hospital that means between 8:30 and 10:30) and we will immediately know the results. Once again, immediately means 2-5 hours after Vivian goes back. Things become very relative living in the hospital. I never thought in a bizillion years that I would be praying for heart failure, but that is our best case scenario. So please, please pray that heart failure is what we are facing here. That would mean we are continuing on the road we are currently on.
My mom came to be with me today and shared with me something amazing: tomorrow is Mother Teresa's feast day. How bizarre is that? Ok, we all know at this point in the story that nothing happens on accident. Mother Teresa has been praying for Vivi since March 8, we have called her Viv's Godmother, and I know she will be with our Girl in a special way tomorrow. I believe tomorrow there will be a miracle, whatever the result of the test is, and peace will be running through our family.
I received an email with this quote from St. Sebastian Valfre , "When it is all over you will not regret having suffered; rather you will regret having suffered so little, and suffered that little so badly." I hate what I am going through. I hate that I feel like my heart is being stabbed everytime something happens with Viv. My whole life I have run from suffering and this cross I can't run from--not now, not ever regardless of the outcome. I pray that although my heart hurts daily-- sometimes for moments, sometimes it doesn't stop--that I can offer this suffering to Christ as a gift for His suffering for me.