Monday, September 17, 2012

September 17, Day 55

Today's Gospel was quite a powerful one to read.  It comes from the Gospel of Luke, 7:1-10.  It reads:
When Jesus had finished saying all this to the people who were listening, he entered Capernaum. 2 There a centurion’s servant, whom his master valued highly, was sick and about to die. 3 The centurion heard of Jesus and sent some elders of the Jews to him, asking him to come and heal his servant. 4 When they came to Jesus, they pleaded earnestly with him, “This man deserves to have you do this, 5 because he loves our nation and has built our synagogue.” 6 So Jesus went with them.
He was not far from the house when the centurion sent friends to say to him: “Lord, don’t trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. 7 That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed. 8 For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.” 9 When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, “I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel.” 10 Then the men who had been sent returned to the house and found the servant well.
The Chaplain here at Children's comes and chats and brings Jesus to me everyday.  Today I read this before I received Christ and had to choke back tears.  What amazing faith the centurion demonstrates to me!  I believe Christ, all You must do is say the word and Vivian will be healed!  I have such faith that Christ is beyond happy to receive so many prayers of great faith regarding Vivian's miraculous healing. 
This Gospel today is also challenging me to realize that Christ not only wants to heal Viv, but the great blessing in this journey is the love that He wants to give me personally, and the love I desire more than ever want to share with Him.  Like the centurion, I have to explain that statement--I know there is nothing I will ever do, no love that I can ever give that will be "worthy" of Christ.  However, I know He does love, and is sharing with me everyday that love and has for all time.  In these moments I realize how much I need Christ and His love more than ever!  Throughout my life I have also learned that when I open my heart to love, it is able to be filled up with so much more.  Christ fill me!
My first email today allowed me to see a comment from my post yesterday.  Yesterday was a rough day for me.  I felt scared all day for what will happen.  It is not that I don't have faith and trust fully in the miracle unfolding in my midst, but how weird would I be if I didn't have a bit of fear?  Without a little fear, there is no reason to make a complete act of trust in Christ.  Christ is so good to me, and sent to me through this comment the 'pick-me-up' I needed.  A woman wanted to share with me a message God gave her to give me--"Do not give up Hope.  Help is on the way".  I cried!  How comforting is Jesus...He knew exactly what I needed to be able to feel peace again.  I received another messge via my dad from one of his patients, "It's Abraham and Isaac--God is asking for the most precious thing, your child.  The ram is on the way".  Essentially the same message.  And a third message just not to long ago--"Help is on the way". 
Vivian had another good day.  I had an amazing talk with one of the Fellows here.  I had to pull back the reins today as the doctors were getting trigger happy with upping feeds and lowering the vent settings to prep for extubation by the end of the, breaks here people!  Obvioulsy you haven't been paying as close attention as I have to your patient.  Vivs just needs a minute.  Ok, maybe 5.  The Fellow came in to assess Viv, and I told him, "As Rod says, Viv is Rocky.  We are training for the big fight--you just don't give up and win the belt."  He smiled and assured me that he agrees and appreciated my input.  I told him that I know Viv is going to be successful when we extubate, but we need to give her time.  I went so far to assure him that he is in the midst of a miracle, and everyone will be amazed soon by what happens to her.   It was sweet, his faced lightened, and looking at me he said, "I believe you.  I believe in miracles--I have seen quite a few.  My wife and I are praying for Vivian...I know she is going to be ok." 
I left tonight to go cut hair and turned right back around after receiving a phone call from Rod that Viv had thrown up blood.  Amazingly enough, I wasn't scared...felt complete peace until I saw her.  Knowing I can't take away any of this brings the tears.  She immediately had her NJ taken out of her nose and it was replaced with another tube that was then connected to a suction tube to pull out all the blood lingering inside.  The labs indicate all levels normal, so no organ is failing or anything like that.  The doctors are puzzled (surprise, surpise) and want to keep an eye on her.  She seems to be ok-When I got back, her eyes were open and she was pretty calm and seemed comfy...well that could be morphine induced, but we'll take it.  She is sleeping now, and is cracking us up how she is swinging her arm around in her sleep.  What a hoot.  Please pray for the doctors to continue to be given the wisdom of Solomon--a wison that surpassed all understanding.  That Vivian is filled with God's grace to continue to readjust her insides so her heart is strong, every organ is in the proper place and each system does it's distinct job to bring her to full health. 

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