Saturday, August 11, 2012

August 11

We still have no news about her echo done yesterday.  Once again, Vivi is not a priority, which is wonderful considering the chain of events that have happened this past week, but I would like to know what they are thinking about her heart...kinda important.

We are going for extubation round 2 today.  Once again, we are on hospital time...we have no idea when this will happen, but I am confident my girl is ready.  The poor thing today is so over all these people touching her and bothering her beauty rest.  Although it is incredibly sad for her, it is slightly comical the way she has such an attitude! There are some people that walk into the room and she begins to get agitated.  I can't help at these moments but giggle, while rushing to her side to calm her down.  It's a crazy thing this mom gig.

I move so quick from thing to thing that processing events has never been something that is done in a timely fashion.  It happens, but usually weeks after the fact.  Well, that has happened today!  I am in shock today that I actually have given birth!  It is breathtaking that this precious little being came out of my being.  I honestly can't believe I did it, that Viv is mine! I have always been a stomach sleeper, and that was one of the hardest parts of being pregnant was sleeping on my side and staying there.  Now, I am afraid to sleep on my belly because I am worried about hurting the baby that is no longer inside me.  Weird.  I thought about that for a few minutes this morning.  My body will never be the same.  There is something so sacred about housing a life inside of's like a portal to heaven has opened and will always be a part of me.  I now understand on a deeper level the reasoning behind the Church's teaching on contraception.  It is sorrowful to my soul that all women (and men for that case) can't see the great beauty and grace that surrounds our bodies--that a life, a soul, a precious being from heaven, inhabits inside of me.  Why would I ever want to shut myself off to that amazing that amazing grace?  Oh the hurt...the deep pain Christ must feel at our human ignorance! The greatest gift of feeling so close to Heaven and so many people say "no thank you" to the gift.  Ouch.

Although we are riding quite a roller coaster....Vivi's fever has made a comeback so from the time I began this post until now, we have found out extubation is not happening today. We aren't sure if she has an infection, is fighting a virus or if she is reacting the way she is because of her leaky arotic valve (pray that this is not it!), I know this experience is day by day teaching me so much.  I have moments more often, but God's grace is so real in those moments.  The ebbs and tides are all apart of this ride He has us on.  My plan--let girlfriend rest again today.  I want the tubes that have been in her since her surgery almost 2 weeks ago (I can't believe how fast the time is going!) to get out, so we nix out potential ways for germies to get in.  Kick out this fever, and then extubate and continue our run forward.  We'll see how my plan coincides with hers and maybe the doctors :)

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