I have started using a book called Meditations for Mothers to begin my day. Let me tell you, the past two days I have not been disappointed. It has been meant for me! Today the Gospel was taken from John, one all of you I am sure at one point have read or heard; the Wedding Feast of Cana.
I have read this passage many times, I have been to Cana, but today, a line hit me that has never hit me like it has. When Mary says to the servants, "do whatever He tells you" she is revealing that she has complete faith in her Son as the Son of God. That she believes, "what the Lord has revealed to you will be fulfilled".
I stopped for quite some time after I read that this morning and realized I must believe in Viv. As the mom, I have the God-given power to empower, to encourage and to believe in the goodness and strength God has given to Vivian.
We are working towards extubation round 3. One of Rod's favorite things to say is, "what is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results". I will admit, when the doctors told me the other day that they were hoping to extubate her again, I thought I was going to laugh and at the same time I was kinda pissed. Haven't we learned anything from the past few weeks? Viv can't be extubated. So you are going to take out this tube, freak me out by having her struggle, then shoot another tube down her throat? Um, not funny, not cool and definitely not sanitary. I had given up on Viv before she even tried again. I felt while I was reflecting on the Wedding Feast of Cana, that Christ was inviting me to be more like His mother. To see the impossible and believe without 1 single doubt that it is infact possible. Needless to say, the resolution I took from my prayer time this morning was to push aside the doubts I have built up and to place complete faith in God's ability to work through Viv. Funny enough, the doctors have decided to give her trials increasing the hourly time they are expecting her to breathe on her own for the week. As i have been saying and learning about my baby, her temperment is the same as her Daddy's. Slow and staedy wins the race. She doesn't like to have quick changes done to her routine. I can respect that...I don't alwasy understand that mentality, but I can definitely love and advocate for it. So I began pep talks. "You can do it Vivi!" "We need to get rid of that tube! Not only will Mommy be able to get you out of bed easier, but your lungs will benefit too :)!"
It still is so amazing to me how God meets us where we are when we are there. My attitude has needed a bit of a pick me up, and today was just it. I have always said I am best when I am the cheerleader--and this is the most intense and important match of my life. Go Vivi go--I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!