This begins the longest 24 hours of my entire life. I don't know what God is trying to teach me, but right now if I could, I would drop out. Vivi began today as the champ she has been. We extubated her with great success. She loved breathing on her own. She was wide awake, loving sucking on Mr. Lambie again. For me, it was so awesome to see her sweet face again without being all taped up. She was looking at me with her angel eyes, and I was counting down the hours until I would be able to hold her.
Around 4pm, her heart rate began to creep back up. Unable to get it to calm down after a couple hours, the doctors decided to re-intubate her. She didn't have a fever for 24 hours, her numbers were all right were they should be...the only thing that could be the culprite was her leaky heart valve. An echo and EKG were done, both pointing to the fact that her little heart is needing to work too hard for it to catch up with itself.
After briefly speaking with the doctor, we have no definites, but no turn seems to be very optimistic. If it is in fact her valve, the procedure to reopen her chest and fix the valve is very risky. we will also be speaking with the transplant team...but that has from the beginning been bottom of the totem pole...very last/worst case scenario.
I don't know what to think... Rod and I went straight to the chapel and all I can do is raise my arms up to Christ and beg that He hear me. Right now, this moment is the moment we need the miracle. I believe that my hope is in Christ--it is not shaken by draught or storm and that if He wills it, HE has the power to heal her. God told me at the beginning of this journey that this was all happening for His greater glory. What is that? I don't know. Like I said, I would run in the other direction if I could. I would love to escape this pain, the looks of grief from the doctors faces and the idle chatter from the nurses. I would scoop up my baby in my arms and run to the life I had planned on living. But that is not what God is asking from me..or Rod..or Viv. All I can ask at this moment is to pray. Pray unceasingly, like you have never prayed before. Pray that the doctors have the Wisdom of Solomon, that Viv has the strength of an army of angels, and that Rod and I are given the grace to place all our trust and hope in the Lord through these next days.