Rod and I got to sleep last night at home together...11 hours of uninterrupted sleep is THE BEST THING EVER. Sleep is something I have always taken for granted...not so much the case anymore, and I probably get more sleep at the hospital than I will once we get home. At that point, though, I won't care because we will be home :)
Vivi is holding steady. We are having issues with her feeding...she is puking a lot, which is a common problem with heart babies. Tomorrow her feeding tube will be pushed down a little further in hopes that more of her feeds stay down. Poor thing--it is awful to watch her. I can't imagine what she is going through.
It is a week since the worst night of my life. Tonight has been a bit difficcult because Viv is having these fits that can't be calmed without meds to calm her. The poor thing--she has gas backed up in her belly, she has a tube down her throat, and is stuck in bed. She can't be a typical newborn who cries, gets some lovin', a few burp pats and calms down. This is all normal, the nurses keep telling us, but it doesn't make it easier. My "mommy-mones" aren't loving it so much. The past two days my general attitude has been 'I am SO over this'. And yet, here I am.
I feel selfish. I want all of this over--I want to be home, I want to hold Viv whenever I want, I want her to not have all these tubes in her--and it's not just because I want her to be able to be a newborm the way she is supposed to be, but because I want our lives to move on. At the beginning, it seemed we were by-passing the roller coaster, and the past week it seems quite the opposite. We are first in line for the ride. I have a constant mantra ringing in my brain :"God is here...God knows".
Tomorrow I can only hope for the grace to continue to keep pushing through, and the love to share with girl moment by moment.