I prayed last night as I went to sleep that I would wake up when she needed me. I woke up this morning at 5, and went over to talk to her. It was perfect timing, her little eyeballs were opening up. The night-nurse told me that was the first time that happened since she had returned from surgery. In my heart I knew that was an answer to my prayer--even if she wasn't awake, if she could focus she saw me. I promised her before she went back I would be here when she woke up. Opening your eyes still groggy counts too.
I honestly don't know how I am feeling. I still have a deep peace that it's all good--it is because God's hand is evidently in all of this. Today is the 5 year anniversary of my grandpa's entrance into heaven. I have been telling him all day to love on her, to keep rooting for her and I know he is.
There is a little guy down the hall who has been screaming all morning...although the doctors keep trying to get him to be quiet, I can't help but think about how happy I will be when I hear her scream again. It's so weird in here without hearing her little 'coos' and cat or goat noises. I know its only a matter of days before we hear that again but it kinda breaks your heart...I just miss it.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away"
I find myself singing "You are My Sunshine" to Viv so often. It's one of my favorites, perhaps because it was sung to me so often, but as I sang it to her this morning, the words really stamped my heart. Vivi is my sunshine--she has made my heart so happy. Even these days of being in the hospital, this morning with not so perfect report, these "skies seem gray" scenarios, just being with her makes me happy. The love I have for her is something that she won't understand, can't understnad until she is a mom herself and even then I'm not sure. She's my girl, my sunshine.
We need prayers that her body catches up and decides to work without the meds so we can start removing lines. I will give another update tonight as we continue to fight through this day!