Monday, August 20, 2012

August 20

I am reminded today that I am living in God's Will for my life.  It's amazing how easy I can forget that, resent that, and want to escape that.  Reading Luke 1:26-38, the Annunciation, without much detail can be summed up in 2 snippets of verses, beginning and end.

Mary, do not be afraid!  You have won God's favor.....for nothing is impossible with God

I will be so bold to exchange Mary for Maria, and afraid for overwhelmed, annoyed, despondent, petrified and unstable.  These are all words I would use to describe my heart through this journey, especially in the past few days.  I think in all my life wanting to do God's will, I never fathomed that it would look like this, that I would feel like this and think in my head, "oh, this is all because you you have won God's favor"  Infact, I will admit that in the past few days, that is furthest away from what I have felt.  How can this life I am living right now mean I have won God's favor?  Besides being chosen to be a mom, this is in no way a situation to show someone, 'you are favored'.  Yet when I feel that, and I think that (which has been most of the day the past few days) the whole, 'for nothing is impossible with God' kicks in. 

If God is here, and I don't doubt that He is, then all these feelings I have, and the hurt, the fear, the pain--He can use it for good.  He is holding our family so close, and that closeness is why we have found favor with Him.  For some reason, God wants to be so close to us...and through suffering He always is.

Lord today my heart is heavy.  I feel weak--I can't do this on my own.  I know you are here.  I know you are victorious in this moment.  Lord I beg you for the grace to continue in this moment for it is your will for my life.  Allow me to love it and live it for Your glory.

Mary, please continue to be so close to me...walking this Calvary with me. Give me your motherly heart so I can make it through giving only love and grace to Vivian, to Rod and to everyone around me.  Help me to embrace my 'yes' with the grace and courage you embraced yours.

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