August 23

Our motto today has been "Toot and Poop!"  I am not joking.  Vivi's belly is bloated--she is full of air.  We didn't continue the breathing trials today because of this.  The alast few trials yesterday she couldn't even get half way through.  Her poor little heart can't work sufficiantly enough to spread blood throughout her whole body.  Therefore, since the intestines aren't at the top of the totem pole, the blood is not as focused to go all the way down to the intestines and digesting what is left there.  Digestion problems are common among heart failure kids for this reason.  Therefore, the doctors aren't too concerned, but we have discontinued her feeds and are waiting for her body to naturally pass this gas. So yes, we are praying that Vivi "toots and poops" to get it all out. 

Today was a very important day for Viv....mommy gave her her first pedicure :) 

 

 

She LOVED it! I was bummed that all I had with me was OPI's Holiday Glow...a little dark, but at least it sparkles!  She is still enjoying her big girl bed, and so is Mommy! 

 

 

I had an interesting "A-Ha" today.  A nurse was in our room changing one of Viv's lines.  We started talking and a common question is, 'is this your only child?' Obviously my answer is yes, and I always tag along 'I don't know how parents do this with other children! It would be so hard.'  The nurse brought up the common response from parents with children at home, 'they can't imagine going through this with their first.'  She also commented that many of first time parents, after going through this, are scared to have other children.  I thought about that for a few minutes...and I can't deny that I haven't thought about that. A song by Matt Maher,'Your Grace is Enough' (  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wN-fspKg1Q)  The refrain filed through my mind as we were talking and I had to verbalize my stance...for her, or for me I don't know, it just came out.  I told her I love Vivian, just how she is.  This is my reality...there is no where else I would rather be than here.  If God blesses us with another baby, however that baby comes to us is perfect.  If we have another baby that needs the same care Vivi does, that baby is another gift and God's grace will keep us strong again.

 

I have thought about this throughout the night tonight.  God absolutely gives us more than we can handle.  In those moments, he showers us with such grace, that it strengthens us not in a way to step forward on our own, but to exhale and cling to Him to be our strength.  I find myself more and more on thsi journey speechless before Christ because I want what He wants.  I hope for what He hopes.  I believe in Him and in how He desides to share Himself with me, with Viv.