Wednesday, August 8, 2012

August 8

Oh my dear Vivian.  The past 24 hours have been the worst 24 hours of my life watching my poor little love try, try, try to breathe.  Watching her little chest work so hard to keep herself afloat has been terrible.  After 24 hours of trying to raise her heart-rate on her own Momma told the doctors we need to give her a break and throw up the white flag to breathing on her own and ask for re-intubation.  I know we are making the right choice--I just feel so bad that she has struggled for so many hours!  Jeez this whole Mom thing can be heartbreaking.  I have learned something about my baby--she needs just a little more time than everyone else.  After she was extubated, she started a fever, and we started antibiotics for an infection.  So not only has Vivi been struggling just with breathing, but also with fighting off yuckies.  She wants to take her time, but after she has her time, she bolts outta the gate and doesn't look back.

In all honesty, if this is the worst moment we have, I believe we are doing good.  I sat in the room while they re-intubated Viv and she did wonderful.  We are going to give her a day to recooperate, a day to see how she's doing after her day of rest, and then we will re-access the situation.  I have a great weight lifted off my shoulders watching her lay in peace again. 


  1. May God bless you all with strength and peace.

  2. My daughter had to re-intubated after her open heart surgery too. It was heart breaking, but as you said it was necessary. After she was ex-tubated the second time they put her on CPAP (not sure if that is an option for newborns) and that kept her from having to be re-intubated for a second time.

    By the way- Vivian was my grandma's name and is my oldest daughter's middle name. It is a very strong name for a very strong girl.